Haruka and Zoisite Get Together :O
by Arctic Rainbow
Summary: Haruka's sad because Michiru is too busy with Sailor business to play monopoly with her. Zoisite's upset because Kunzite got fed up with opening jars of pickles for him. When the two meet up and start hanging out, what will this lead to? Will Michiru and Kunzite be able to get their partners back? Will Zoisite learn to open pickle jars? Will Michiru ever put some clothes on? 1Shot


Haruka finished setting up the table.

"Oh boy this is gonna be great!" she thought as Michiru opened the door and came inside.

"Hey kitten I made us dinner!"

Michiru gushed. "Aww, how sweet! I can't wait to-"

But then her Sailor Wand started beeping. "Sorry baby gotta take this!" Michiru shouted, running out the door.

Haruka sighed and ate all the food.

"OMNoMNOMNOM!" she gobbled sadly.

Finally Michiru came home.

"Hey kitten wanna play?" Haruka winked, laying suggestively on the bed. She gestured to the monopoly table she had set up.

"I would love to!" said Michiru, walking over. But then her Sailor Wand started beeping again. "Aww, sorry, I have to go steal some heart crystals from my fellow Sailors! TTYL!"

Haruka sadly cleaned up the monopoly table.

It was 5 AM by the time Michiru returned.

"Hey kitten wanna-"

Michiru's phone rang. "Ugh, it's Hotaru. Gotta go try to kill her again, cya!"

Haruka angrily knocked over the Jenga tower she had set up.

"I'm done!" she yelled. "I'm going for a ride." She hopped on her motorcycle and took off.

Seconds later, Michiru came in naked. "Hotaru just passed out on her own, so I'm here to party!" she exclaimed. Soon she realized no one was home. "Y U DO DIS!?" she cried.

* * *

"Kunzite!" Zoisite cried, running into their castle sobbing.

"What's the matter?" asked Kunzite, consoling him.

"Kunzite, I stubbed my toe when I ran into the castle sobbing!" Zoisite sobbed.

"D'awww. Well why did you run into the castle sobbing?"

"I forget now."

"D'awww."

"Ok, I feel better now! Back to work!" Zoisite said, teleporting away.

Kunzite went back to reading his book on the History of What Teenagers Did in the Moon Kingdom.

Zoisite came running back in sobbing.

"Kunzite, Nephrite called me a punk!"

"Don't worry baby we'll just kill him. Why did he call you that, anyway?"

"Because I killed him!"

"D'awww. Well it looks like you solved your own problem."

"Yep!" Zoisite said, teleporting away.

Kunzite started re-reading the same sentence for the third time. "The Moon Princess was a great ice ska-"

"Kunzite, I can't open this jar of pickles!" Zoisite ran in crying.

Kunzite threw the book down and opened the pickle jar. "Are you done now?" he asked angrily.

Zoisite started eating pickles out of the jar and teleported away. "Yep!"

Kunzite picked up his discarded book. "The Moon Princess was a great-"

Zoisite ran back in. "Kunzite, have any mascara I can borrow? I seem to have misplaced mine... Oh, it was in my pocket! Tee hee!"

Kunzite picked up Zoisite and threw him out the window.

"Finally, some peace and quiet."

Kunzite was able to finish his sentence at last. "Oh, she was a great ice skater! Now I'll find her identity for sure!"

* * *

Zoisite landed in a dumpster. He started crying.

"FINE!" he yelled at nothing. "I CAN TELL WHEN I'M NOT WANTED!"

He cried for three hours in the dumpster.

Suddenly, someone pulled up riding a motorcycle.

"What's got you down in the dumps, kitten?"

Zoisite looked up.

"Get it? Because you're crying? And you're in a dumpster?"

Zoisite just stared at her sadly.

Haruka sighed. "I guess some people just don't appreciate comedic genius..."

"Can I go back to crying by myself now?" Zoisite asked.

"Watcha crying about? Did you get 'dumped' or something? Get it? Cuz you're in a dumpst-"

"YES I GET IT!"

"Haha good!"

Then Haruka took a closer look at Zoisite. "Huh, she sure is pretty!" she thought.

"I know what could cheer you up," Haruka offered. "Wanna go for a ride?"

Zoisite took a closer look at Haruka. "Huh, he sure is handsome!" he thought.

"Sure!" Zoisite agreed.

"Great!" said Haruka, scooting up so Zoisite had room to hop on.

"...Oh, you meant on the motorcycle? Heh heh!" Zoisite said awkardly. "Well alrighty then! It's not like there's anyone who will come looking for me!"

* * *

Kunzite came back from the ice rink. "Well that was a dumb plan," he sighed. "Zoisite, come in here and tell me that my stupid plan wasn't stupid!"

There was no response. Then Kunzite remembered he had thrown Zoisite out the window.

"Oh no what have I done! I better go looking for him!"

Kunzite went downstairs with a box of chocolates. He started rehearsing his apology. "Zoisite, I know I threw you out the window, but at least I didn't throw you out a higher window! No, no, that will never do. Zoisite, for someone who just got thrown out a window, your hair looks really nice! Yes, perfect!"

But when Kunzite got to the dumpster, Zoisite was nowhere to be found.

"WAAT? Oh no, but I thought waste management only comes by on Sundays! Crap, what day is it?" he ran upstairs to check his calendar.

* * *

Haruka and Zoisite drove down the street.

"So kitten, what do you usually do for fun?" Haruka asked.

"Hmm," Zoisite thought. "Wanna harass this dolt Nephrite with me?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because then he'll get really steamed and say mean things back! And then we can cry about it!"

"Uhhh," hesitated Haruka, "That doesn't exactly sound fun, but I guess we can do it, if that's what you want."

"Wait nevermind, I killed him. Now there's no need to harass him anymore. Shit."

"...Okay then. Say, do you like petals?" Haruka asked.

"WHY YES I TOTALLY DO!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"Great! Then do you want to walk around in slow-mo while they fly by?"

"OMG YES! IT'S BEEN MY LIFE DREAM!"

Haruka and Zoisite went to the ice cream shop so they could freeze frame with petals flying by.

"Buy something or get out of line!" screamed the manager.

Then they slow-mo walked across the street, taking a pastel freeze frame in the middle of the road.

Cars honked their horns. "THE BABY'S COMING, GET OUT OF THE STREET!" someone screamed.

Next they freeze framed in the hospital.

"STOP BLOCKING THE DOOR, THAT MAN IN THERE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK!" a doctor cried.

At last, they had run out of petals.

"What now?" asked Zoisite.

"Let's go for a ride!" Haruka exclaimed. She dragged Zoisite into her convertible and they drove for a while.

"So where exactly are we going? And when are we going to get there?" Zoisite asked.

Haruka just laughed.

* * *

Kunzite appeared at the junk yard. "Oh boy this might take a while," he groaned, beginning to rummage through the garbage.

"It's Kunzite!" someone yelled.

He spun around to see who it was.

"Ugh, leave me alone Sailors, I'm not here to fight you!"

"Oh, he's not here to fight us!" Sailor Moon said happily. "Now we can go back to looking for Shingo!" She picked up a handful of garbage. "I think I found him!"

"I don't trust that evil loonatic for a second!" yelled Sailor Mars. "He just wants us to let our guard down so he can attack us!"

"Why would I want to attack you?" he asked. "It's not like one of you is the Moon Princess! Now back off, I'm here on personal business."

"Suuuuure you are!" said Sailor Jupiter. "What personal business could an evil ginger snap like you possibly be on?"

Kunzite rolled his eyes and went back to flipping over garbage. "I'm looking for my boyfriend!"

"Ouch!" said Sailor Moon. "I mean, I'm not a fan of the guy either, but calling him garbage is just mean!"

"No, I didn't mean it like that! It's just that I threw him out a window and then-"

"Wow," said Sailor Moon, shaking her head. "I am the Sailor Soldier of Love and that doesn't sound like love to me. I will punish you!"

"Actually," interrupted Sailor Venus, "I'm the Sailor Soldier of-"

"Zip it, V!" Sailor Moon yelled back.

"Stay out of my relationship!" yelled Kunzite.

"No!" shouted Sailor Moon. She sent all the Sailors to charge Kunzite, but they all got beat down. Sailor Moon went to pull out the Moon Wand to finish him off.

"Oh crap, I must have dropped the Silver Crystal in the trash!" she laughed.

"GAH!" Luna screamed. She stormed off, mumbling about how irresponsible Usagi was and how shit her life was.

Kunzite was about to take out Sailor Moon.

"NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE!" yelled Sailor Neptune, knocking him down.

"REALLY!?" screamed Kunzite. "THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!?"

Sailor Neptune came out from behind the garbage pile that she had fired her attack from.

"SAILOR NEPTUNE WHY ARE YOU NUDE!?" cried Sailor Moon.

"What? Haha, I knew I had forgotten something!" she laughed.

"Why didn't Tuxedo Mask come to save me?" Sailor Moon wondered.

"This season ain't big enough for the two of us!" Neptune yelled back.

"Can't you just let me look for my partner in peace?" Kunzite complained.

"No way!" exclaimed Michiru. "I was trying to look for MY partner in peace, but you made me come out here to save Sailor Moon!"

"Hey," said Sailor Moon, getting an idea. "If you both are looking for your partners, why don't you look together?"

"No way!" exclaimed Michiru. "This cape wearing goon cannot be trusted!"

"I'm more trustworthy looking than you, blue haired naked chick!" Kunzite yelled.

"Go bleach your roots, creep!" Ami shouted, joining in.

"Woah, relax!" Kunzite yelled back, trying to hide his hurt. "I was talking to the other blue haired naked chick!"

"Hmm," Michiru sighed. "I guess you do look trustworthy. Definitely moreso than the other Sailor Scouts who are so clearly on my side. Let's go!"

"Ok but can you put some clothes on?"

"Y u gotta be so dense?" Michiru complained, reluctantly getting dressed.

* * *

"Pls pull over, we've been driving for hours!" whined Zoisite.

"Lighten up, kitten!" encouraged Haruka. "It's not about the destination, it's about the journey!"

"I'm getting car sick!" Zoisite started to cry.

"Quit crying!" Haruka scolded. "Here, play this violin!" she yelled, tossing Zoisite a violin.

"But why!?"

"PLAY!"

Zoisite ran the bow across the violin making loud screeching sounds, as tears fell from his eyes. "I WANNA GO HOME!"

"Now paint a picture!" Haruka commanded.

"But I need both hands to play the violin!"

"PAAAAIIIIIINT!"

Just when Zoisite had finally positioned the violin and the canvas so he could play and paint at the same time, Haruka pushed him out of the convertible and into the ocean.

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" Zoisite cried.

"NOW SWWWIIIIIM!" Haruka yelled.

"NO ONE HAS THIS MANY RANDOM TALENTS!" Zoisite shouted.

Haruka looked sadly into the sunset. "I once knew someone who did..."

* * *

"Have any ideas on where to start looking?" Michiru asked Kunzite.

"Well, we can check this dolt Nephrite's house... Oh wait no he's dead now."

Michiru picked up a stray newspaper that had flown by. She read the headline. "Freeze framing couple with matching outfits causes a twelve car pile up and three deaths." She gasped. "Haruka must be behind this! But... she's freeze framing with another girl!? I WON'T STAND FOR THIS!"

"What's the plan?"

"Let's check all 20 of me and Haruka's sittin' and lookin' cliffs! She's bound to be at one of them!"

"Great," said Kunzite unenthusiastically. He teleported them to the first of the cliffs.

* * *

Haruka and Zoisite leaned against the convertible at sittin' and lookin' cliff #20, staring out at the ocean.

"Isn't the ocean lovely?" commented Haruka. "Doesn't it make you wanna say all this poetic stuff about the ocean. Huh? HUH?"

Zoisite looked disinterestedly at the ocean.

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!" he replied.

"Umm, you're pretty!" said Haruka. She was starting to miss Michiru more and more each second. If only Michiru didn't care about her work more than their relationship...

"Aww, thanks!" Zoisite gushed.

Haruka shut her eyes and thought of how much the ocean reminded her of Michiru. She loved the sound of the waves rolling in and out and-

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!" yelled Zoisite.

"...You're pretty..."

"Thanks!"

"..."

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!"

"I JUST did!" exclaimed Haruka, getting a bit frustrated.

"Why do you refuse to say it!?" cried Zoisite. "Do you think the ocean is prettier than me?! Are you going to leave me for the ocean!?"

"Well the ocean is kind of an inanimate body of water so that doesn't really make much-"

"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!"

Haruka got in the convertible and shut the roof.

Zoisite sighed sadly. "Kunzite never used to shut roofs on me. He wouldn't even shut the box of rainbow crystals so they wouldn't all fly to Sailor Moon! But then he threw me out a window :("

Just then, Kunzite appeared with Michiru.

"KUNZITE!" exclaimed Zoisite.

"MICHIRU!" cried Haruka, going to jump out of the convertible but hitting her head on the roof because she wasn't used to it being closed. She opened the door and got out like a normal person. "MICHIRU!"

But then they both remembered how the others really felt about them.

"So, Kunzite," began Zoisite accusingly. "Here to throw me out another window?"

"Zoisite baby it was an accident!"

"Oh yeah, I accidentally throw people out the window all the time!"

Kunzite glared at him. "Don't make me throw you out another window!"

"You suck!"

"You wish!"

Meanwhile, Haruka and Michiru were having a more civil conversation.

"Where have you been?" demanded Michiru.

"I might ask you the same question. You were gone all night!"

"I was dealing with Sailor business!"

"Hmm," said Haruka. "I guess if that means more to you than monopoly..."

"Well maybe if you hadn't taken off by the time I came home naked!"

"You came home naked?!" Haruka cried in distress. "Dawgonnit!"

"Why don't you come home and let me make it up to you," suggested Michiru with a wink. "I have ten monopoly dollars with your name on them!"

Normally Haruka would have jumped at that, but this time things were different. If the most important thing to Michiru was her mission, then Haruka wouldn't stand in her way.

"Sorry Michiru, but I'm with Zoisite now."

"Yeah, I have replaced you, Kunzite!" Zoisite shouted.

"COME HOME THIS INSTANT!" Michiru and Kunzite yelled in unison, getting upset.

But Zoisite and Haruka turned and walked away, freeze framing in slow-mo.

"BUT THAT's OUR THING!" cried Michiru.

"THAT COULD BE OUR THING IF U WANT IT TO BE!" Kunzite called desperately.

"Nope," they both said, without turning around because that would have required another frame to be animated. "There is nothing either of you could say to make us break up!"

"Please be my girlfriend again!" begged Michiru.

"Please be my boyfriend again!" Kunzite shouted.

There was the sound of a record scratching and Haruka and Zoisite broke out of the freeze frame.

"YOU'rE A BOY!?" cried Haruka in shock.

"YOU'RE A GIRL!?" Zoisite gasped.

"EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Haruka started breathing frantically into a brown paper bag and Zoisite jumped off the look-out cliff into the ocean.

Michiru went over to Haruka to comfort her.

"Don't worry, we all make mistakes," she said reassuringly. "Like when I got naked again in front of Kunzite!"

"When you what!?"

"Nothing..."

"I'm sorry Michiru. I just know how much your mission means to you, and I know that I could never mean that much..."

"Haruka, how could you say that!?" Michiru gasped. "You're the most important thing in the world to me! And it's not my mission, it's our mission. I've been trying my best not to drag you into it, but that was a mistake. I can't do it without you. No matter what we have to take on, we can do it, as long as we're together."

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" exclaimed Haruka. They kissed passionately.

Zoisite had just climbed back onto the cliff. "EWW LESBIANS!" he cried jumping off again.

Kunzite actually thought it was kind of hot, but he needed to get Zoisite back. "Ya, lesbians, eww!" he said, jumping off the cliff after Zoisite.

Zoisite climbed up onto a nearby rock, and Kunzite sat down next to him.

"No, go away!" yelled Zoisite. "You've shown me how you really feel about me! I'm never talking to you again!"

"Zoisite, for someone who just jumped off a cliff, your hair looks really nice!" Kunzite told him.

"Oh Kunzite, do you really mean that?" Zoisite gushed.

Kunzite thought for a moment. "Actually, I don't."

"WA!? D: D: D: D: D:" Zoisite gasped.

"What I really meant to say was... I'm sorry for taking you for granted. You're everything to me, and I never want to be without you."

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" exclaimed Zoisite. "I suppose I did push it by asking you to open that pickle jar, considering I could have just broken it with my magic..."

"Ye"

"So does this mean you still think my hair looks nice?"

"It looks perfect!" Kunzite lied.

"AWWwwwWWWWWWWWwwwWWWWWWWWWWW!"

They kissed passionately.

Michiru and Haruka were looking romantically over their look-out cliff when they spotted them.

"EWWWWW GAY GUYS!" they cried, hopping in their convertible and driving away.

As they drove romantically off into the sunset in slow-mo, Michiru got a call on her Sailor Wand. "Looks like I gotta take this... I mean, looks like we gotta take this!"

"D'awww," said Haruka, smiling as they sped off.

But two minutes later they turned around and drove back.

"Hey Kunzite," Michiru asked bashfully. "Mind giving us a good ol' teleport back to Tokyo? This is like a three hour drive and we have a pure heart to examine..."

"Because I'm in a good mood, sure," he replied, warping all of them to where the Sailors were in the middle of a battle.

* * *

When they arrived at the battle, they realized something.

"Crap, we have to transform!" Michiru whispered to Haruka, gesturing to Zoisite and Kunzite who were watching them.

"I've got this!" Haruka replied. "I've learned enough about those two to know how to distract them."

"Hey guys!" yelled Haruka. "It's Nephrite!"

"WHERE!?" they cried, spinning around.

"OH NEPHRITE I'M SO GLAD YOUR ALIVE!" cried Zoisite. "KILLING YOU WAS AN EMPTY VICTORY AND I HAVEN'T HAD ANYONE TO HARASS IN SO LONG AND-"

Meanwhile, catchy music played as Haruka and Michiru transformed.

"I am Sailor Uranus!"

"And I am Sailor Neptune!"

"We are the powerful Sailor pair, from the outer planets..."

"...And we will never be separated again!"

"Sailor Neptune!" cried Sailor Moon. "You forgot your clothes again!"

Haruka spun around and looked at her. "Hot diggity dog!"

"WTF where did they come from?" asked Zoisite. "AND WHERE'S NEPHRITE!?"

"Surrender immediately, Sailor LOSERS!" threatened a coffee mug Heart Snatcher.

Kunzite leaned over to Zoisite. "I thought some of our Youmas were pretty wacky, but these things are ridiculous!"

"URANUS WORLD SHAKING!"

"NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE!"

Through the power of their combined attack, they were able to defeat the Heart Snatcher. They high-fived.

"Yay, now we can put this heart crystal back in Andrew's (Motoki's) sister!" Sailor Moon declared happily. She went to put the heart back but Sailor Uranus drop kicked her in the head.

"I have taken this heart for further examination, on the off chance that the holder of the pure heart would have been this one random all along!" Uranus announced.

"Way to go, gal pal!" applauded Neptune.

"WTF is that?!" Zoisite asked Kunzite, eyeing the heart crystal.

"I have no clue," Kunzite replied, stumped. "But it kind of looks like a Rainbow Crystal!"

"It does, doesn't it?" Zoisite agreed.

"I've got this!" said Kunzite, about to attack.

"No no no, we have to attack together! We can defeat them through the power of love!"

"GAY!" scoffed Kunzite.

Zoisite pouted.

"Fiiiiiiiine."

"Whoopee!"

Zoisite quickly thought of an attack name.

"ZOISITE FLOWER HURRICANE!"

"KUNZITE AQUA ILLUSION!"

They knocked the heart crystal out of Uranus's hand while she was distracted by Neptune's nudity. Zoisite flew over and grabbed it.

"HAHAHAHA!" he laughed evilly.

"Hey, give that back!" yelled Michiru.

"Okay but only if you put some clothes on. Nobody wants to see that!"

"Hey, speak for yourself," said Haruka.

Michiru put clothes on.

"PSYCHE!" yelled Zoisite, teleporting away with the heart crystal.

"Sorry but it looks like we've won!" laughed Kunzite. "But you guys still better show up to that double date we planned, because I already made reservations!"

Kunzite teleported off as well.

"Umm... what do we do now?" asked Sailor Moon.

"Well, that wasn't a pure heart crystal, so it's not like the universe is in danger on anything..." Michiru explained.

"Yeah, but Andrew's sister is going to die!" Sailor Moon cried.

"Awwwww," said Haruka. "What a pity."

"Whelp we better get going!" said Michiru.

"Yeah, and you guys should too!" Haruka added. "Ya know, before the cops show up. I don't think telling them that she died because her heart crystal was stolen will hold up in the court of law. Later!" Haruka bid them adieu, and she and Michiru hopped off through the trees.

They lived happily ever after.

* * *

"Queen Beryl!" announced Kunzite. "We found this thing that we thought you might be interested in!"

Queen Beryl examined the heart crystal. "What the hell is this?"

"The Sailors thought it was important, so it must be something good!" Zoisite explained.

"Hmm, this isn't a rainbow crystal, like you were supposed to collect, but it is pretty shiny! I'll see how it sells on Ebay."

She made Kunzite and Zoisite sell it on Ebay.

Andrew saw it, and offered all the money he had to buy his sister's life back.

But at the last second, Dr. Tomoe outbid him by one cent and bought the crystal. He fed it to evil Hotaru.

"YUM!" said evil Hotaru. "That was a nice appetizer. NOW BRING ME DINNAHH!"

Dr. Tomoe was unable to bring her dinner, so she ate Dr. Tomoe's heart crystal.

"I need to go on a diet..." thought evil Hotaru.

Kunzite and Zoisite lived happily ever after, and made some money on the side by stealing heart crystals and selling them on Ebay.

FIN


End file.
